I’ve never known the right thing to say to you. But, for the 1st time I’ll just tell you the truth. I am lost. I am depressed all the time and I don’t know why. And I start to tell you things because I feel like I can trust you. And it’s weird to me because I don’t trust anyone. But then I stop myself. I stop because I don’t want you to see me like this. And I don’t want you to think of me as some charity case that you are compelled to help. And your opinion of me matters. Probably more than anyone else’s opinion of me. So if I show you my bad side then what good is left of me? And you said you’re only friends with me because you feel you need to help me. And I hate that. Everytime I think of that I want to cry. Because I could name 100 reasons why I want to be and could be so lucky to be your friend but you only think of me as something that needs to be fixed. And that kills me. And I love being your friend but honestly it’s really painful to be your friend. I told you that whatever it was that made me like you was over. But I lied. I still like you. A lot. And I don’t know why. I’m upset all the time because I’m just alone. I don’t think anyone gets me but that’s because I never let anyone in. I have family shit and friendship shit. And I hate who I am. And I feel like my life is going no where. How am I supposed to wake up everyday and have nothing to live for? I want there to be some kind of purpose or feel as if I matter to someone. And I can’t talk to you because I want to matter to you but the only reason I matter is because you feel you need to help me. But you can’t. And I like you but you don’t like me and you never will and I get that. And even then I like you too much to ever bring you into my shitty life. I like you too much to ever put my pain onto you. Which is why I stop myself when I try and express my misery. Because is rather be in forever pain than to see you hurt for a second.