This whole naturalism unit in English class got me thinking. If our life actually predetermined? Am I just another product of my environment? Is my life stuck in a never ending cycle where I have no free will and no choice?
If us as humans have out lives already made out for us that means we have no choices. So why do adults force us to do well in school and try to “follow your dreams”? In fact my parents don’t believe in my dreams. They don’t believe in my music. Maybe I’m bound to just end up in a boring office Jo like everyone else in my family.
I didn’t grow up around New York or L.A. or anywhere where that sort of thing is accepted. I grew up in a neighborhood where dreaming is frowned upon and idealist are outcasts.
Maybe being the idealist that I am had me dig my own grave. Being the outcast caused me to get bullied thus being shy. Shyness hid me away from even asking my parents to consider a different further for me. And thus making them have the expectations of me that I cannot meet.
Maybe I was placed into an environment that I will never fit into. I will never be my parent’s vision of perfection. I won’t ever want to go into the same profession as them or be straight or get all A’s or be a christian. I’ll never amount to what they want from me. So and they won’t let me go my own way. The only path I have is to be miserable and follow what they want of me.
How do I break the cycle? How do I get people to understand me? How do I take life into my own hands? How do I say that I want to be more than the mediocre life they have planned for my future.
Maybe I can’t break the cycle. Maybe I should give up dreaming. And maybe I should turn away from my aspirations and true self. Maybe I’ll just conform to what the world wants of me.